LOST: Motivation

I have decided to maintain this blog for a little while longer. It seemed to spin out of control, having no set boundaries like my other blog.
I created this blog to help motivate me to lengthen my stride so to speak. I have an agenda, I'm making lists. The first thing on my list is my house. I want to be a good steward of my home. Right now its a mess, not  only physically a mess, but the spirit of my home is flagging. For the last 10 years my husband and I have been through some interesting trials, dilemma's and some tribulation in the form of my mom living with us for a  short while. We have started and stopped many home improvement projects. We moved into a house that really needed a face lift, some replacement of infrastructure (water pipes), paint job's etc.Some where we got off track. I always watch with envy those new homeowners who seemed to enjoy improving their new homes. They would throw out old carpeting and stuff, bringing in new flooring and new paints. We were even invited to one of our neighbors homes to check out the end result. It seems that we only do mass improvements when there is no other  recourse. We finally bought new washer and dryers after the old ones died in each others arms. Our refrigerator has been dying a slow death for a few years now, so we finally got a small deep freezer. Still waiting on the new stove. My husband finally bought and replaced 2 doors upstairs and stopped at our bedroom door.
I am not complaining, we have made strides in our life. I have decided to take on some small to medium projects. The first small projects are my hall linen closet and upgrading my walk in closet. The next will be to complete that "Room of my own" office. Right now there is a lot of excess stuff piled up in there that I know that I can get rid of. I bought a new desk ( I just have to put it together). I have a  small stereo and new Cd's. I have started to organize the crafts. I have realized that I don't do many crafts anymore. It is probably because I can't get into this room. I want to start sewing again, so I have been organizing my sewing supplies, buying sewing books, and fabric and patterns. So with all of this prep work, I have to stop my slovenly ways. I have to work around my husband.

Matthew 17: 19-20
19 Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said, “Why could we not cast it out?”

20 So Jesus said to them, “Because of your unbelief;[a] for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you   

My husband is the mountain that needs to move. I am going to do no less than one task a day. I will set goals and I will believe do them and develop the skills to do them. My husband is the handy man of the house. I have not pushed myself to do anything. I will do it. I feel as if I have hidden my light under the proverbial "bush" where no man can see it. I would like to set my light on a hill where it can beacon to all. I think that if I can be faithful in the cleaning and maintaining of my home the Lord will release those blessings of furniture and much needed appliances. He will take the blinders off of my husbands eyes and motivate his spirit not only to work but to be thankful for all of the blessings we have received in our home.
I will do this.

Six Degrees to HELEN KELLER; Sweating the Small Stuff

“Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them; but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight... When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another. ”
—Helen Keller (1880-1968), author, lecturer, activist

Who knew that Helen Keller would occupy my thoughts at this moment. My brother sent me a card and on it was a quote by HK; it said "The best way out is  always through" (which is a quote of Robert Frost; a favorite poet of mine and of whom I too have quoted).
Helen Keller was an inspiration to me when I was growing up. Its funny that a blind girl born many years before my time could be an inspiration.She died in my time though. I remember watching her story in a movie called:"The Helen Keller Story". I remember wanting to watch it because the actress playing the part was in Little House on the Prarie.(My favorite show, that I never got to watch, but read the book.) I admired her because even though she was blind and could not hear, she mananged to have a full life. It seems that God sent an angel into her life to lead her and teach her, Anne Sullivan. Who herself was sight challenged.
Helen Keller was given a Book of Mormon translated to Braille by a President of the Church of LDS.She visited the Mormon Tabernacle in Utah,because she always wanted to hear the choir sing there.Talk about six degrees of separation. 
I have  thought to my self, that if she could live a full life and even die in peace, why can't I? I know that I can. My #2 wish for myself is that I can allow myself to be happy in the life that I have.

LOST: IN SEARCH OF THE LAST 50 YEARS, WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE?

A quote from a note read on anothers blog:
"So you have unknowingly given me my task;from now to April. You see in April I will turn 50.
"So I think I will now make a list of 50 things that I have done with my life and 50 more things that I would like to do with the rest of my life. Hmm! this may be a great task, I am up to it. Now to write it down so as not to forget........." 

It's funny, while I was reading that note, I was thinking of the same thing. This is the start of my 50th year. I sometimes think that the birth certificate is lying. I think my mom is lying, perpatrating a big cover up. (It could happen). So I think that I will endeavour to cherish the days, even the bad ones,the boring ones. Every year I dream of what I would like to do for my birthday. I don't think its selfish. Maybe a year long celebration like the Queen of England. I think that I would like to mark the days. Note the moments.
I will try my best to take every picture, save every scrap and meet back here every month to record them.Maybe a growth chart. I will make my own Valentines, and march in my own Mardi Gras Parade. Maybe I will make special Mardi Gras greeting cards to send to friends. Why should this year be any more special than last year. Because it is, and even now, 5 days into it, I am in danger of being engulfed in the cares and concerns of my combined life. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.  

1. I have always wanted to be a cowboy. I also love playing dress up. I can't shoot but I have some pretty pistols. I have some great cowboy boots.
(i'm on the left)
*MY DREAM WOULD BE TO VISIT A WORKING RANCH, AND MAYBE WORK ON IT.*      

LOST: The Ghost of Christmas Past

Today is Dec 2,beginning of the Christmas Season. I love Christmas, it has always been my favorite time of the year.

I have spent many past  Christmas Holidays in various places other  than "HOME".While in the Navy I spent most of my Christmas's away. The most unique Christmas I have ever had was when I was detailed out to Operation Desert Storm. I spent Christmas Eve into Christmas morning on duty/shore patrol. It was quite lively. Since we were in a Middle Eastern country, we had to do our duty with a male partner and in the lobby of hotel restarauts. My watch started quietly and boring enough. For some reason the partner I started with wanted to go and try to make time with a waitress. I got moved (without him) to a different place. It was called "Dukes Place". It belonged to an ex-pat; ex-marine Gunny Sarge named Duke; after of course, The Duke John Wayne.He was as big as John Wayne, but bald. The excitement of the night was an all out brawl of some jar heads who had liberty from a gator frieghtor called the USS SHREVEPORT. These guys had no home training so they started a fight in the lobby,destroyed some furniture, and of course The Duke had to come and break it up.The reward for this was a free meal on the house,with another partner. It was most surreal. I remember a lounge singer who seemed to be channeling Barry Manilow, only he was from Australia. At the stroke of midnight, he asked my partner and I if we had a special christmas request. I guess he thought we were on a date. My partner, can't remember his name, had one.I think it was I'll Be Home for Christmas. He asked me to dance. 

I am noticing that as I get older, it seems that my circle of friends and family are shrinking. My close family ties are down to my stepmother, my mother, my husband and some friends from church. No memories happening there. My husband seems to distance himself more and more from Christmas. A lot of people allow bad memories to rob them of the joy of this season. I suppose that if we would really celebrate the real "reason for the season", Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, we would enjoy it more.
This Christmas will be the last Christmas. Now what does that mean? Life is changing and on going. My husband seems to get depressed at Christmas, so much so, that for the last 2 or 3 holidays he was just about non participant.

I'm going to record all of my escapades,like  putting up the tree,planning some goodies, etc. I will do it. My husband thinks that if he doesn't fix up the house, we don't have to live our lives. This is the Last Christmas that goes to the Island of Unwanted Toys. No gifts, no pressure. I bought a few things for myself and I am happy. I want to see Christmas lights on the homes of neighbors. When I was a kid, one tradition was to bundle up the family and go driving through the different neighborhoods to check out the light show.

My dad's work place always had a family Christmas Party, complete with food and games and of course Santa Claus. Every year he would receive a little bonus check, a ham or a turkey; a big bag of fruit and nuts and a gift for me and my brother. I loved it and I know I was to immature to appreciate it at the time but it was great. My mom would start prepping for the food fest in October. We had a pecan tree in our yard and a fig tree. My mom had me and my brother literally pick any and every pecan in our yard, our next door neighbors yard and every yard in the neighborhood who would let us do it. Afterward we would begin the tidious process of separating the good from the not so good. Washing them and cracking them open; shelling them as it was called. My mom was "Julia Childs" ,she would plan at least 3 or 4 varieties of fruit cake, german chocolate cake;coconut cake;ice box pie;sweet potato pie. They were all worth the work. Depending on if we had a ham of turkey, especially a ham, she would cure it herself, and her ham would put Honey Baked Hams to shame.Melt in your mouth tender. She would have 2 types of dressing, potato saled, cranberry sauce and asparagus. Yum. I miss that so much.
So hopefully I can rally myself and ponder and meditate over the true reason for the season, it is more than a baby in a manger, but it is the person that baby grew up to be. It is the love and scarifice of the person that we do remember and honor Him. Dec 25 is probably not the day, but its not the day, but the blessing of that birth-day.
Happy Christmas

       

LOST: A ROOM OF MY OWN

'A woman must have money and a room of her own ............' Virginia Wolfe


This is Oprah's office before she had it redecorated. I don't know why she saw the need.
I have lived in my home for 10 years now, and I have collected beautiful things, quirky things, and pictures and stuff. I have a spare bedroom that is designated as an office/craft room. Right now I call it the Craft less room.
I have been trying to claim and reclaim this room for 10 years. My mother lived with us briefly and when she moved she left a lot of her stuff, so it was packed into the craft(less) room. I had to get rid of my stuff to put it in there. I remember the clearing out process, it took 2-3 years literally to clear out everything, another year to convince my husband to paint it and put new carpet in it. It took another year to ever put some type of furniture in it. So far I have a book shelf, a long craft table; a file case, a canvas wardrobe for my overflow of coats. There is a working closet but it is packed.
I want to have Oprah's before office, even the hanging clothing.
My goal this weekend is to reclaim my office space.I have so many projects in my head. I want to start a sewing project. I have some scrap book ideas. I have to release myself from the paralyzing spell of clutter, and what if.

PS. DEC  8 2009
I have started the excavation of my "craftless room". I have had several starts and stops over this year, but each time I do accomplish something. I seem to manage to organize more stuff from the floor. Last night I managed to clean the craft table and put most of the paper and magazines away. I sometimes have a hard time tossing magazines. There is so much info in there, and most of the time I haven't read the entire thing. I tried pullin out articles but then they piled up also. I think I just need to read it and move on. Toss in the recycle bin.
I am also reconsidering my book collection as it were. I noticed that over the years I have amassed a large selection of various craft and decor books. I have thinned them out. I can tell what my hopes and dreams were just by the books I bought. Strange, I didn' t have many fiction or non fiction books. Although my most prized collection are some out of print books by Nick Bantock. I have always wanted to be an artist, but I have been so disorganized, I just lived vicariously through other people. My goal is to pick up every thing off the floor that doesn't belong there. It means that will have to make a decison on how the furniture is to be arranged and then hang pictures. After that I will start to go through (hopefully for the last time) my many storage boxes and pick out 3 crafts with their accompanying books and supplies. I think that I will stick to sewing;scrapbooking and photography. I have a small collection of dolls that are lovely, and I will have to make a decison on buying a display cabinet for them. 
Wish me Luck                   

ACTED UPON:LOST; 3 DAYS PAY

COFFEE KLATCH:
My husband left 3 frantic phone messages on my phone mail yesterday to call him back immediately. I wonder sometimes if he thinks that I can screen my calls at work.
He recently took his work physical. He got a call from work telling him that his blood pressure was high, they didn't like the numbers. He needed to see his Doctor, get 3 consecutive days of readings. In other words, he is suspended with no pay for 3 days until he gets the numbers down.
I asked him what happened. Well he said, I didn't take my BP medicine for 5 days. I know that sometimes when you stop taking your meds, it takes a while for your system to revert back. Then later when he showed me what his BP reading was, he then added that he had drank an entire thermos of coffee prior to going to his physical. There is a reason why they (should) tell people not to eat or drink before a physical. I am sure that I have told my husband of these things.As a result of this transgression(it is a sin) we will be robbed of 3 days pay, 3 payments of office visits; delaying of payment of tax bill, etc (you get the drift). (see scripture)

2Nephi 2:26 And the Messiah come in the fullness of time, that he may redeem the children of men from the fall. And because that they are redeemed from the fall they have become free forever, knowing good from evil; to act for themselves and not to be acted upon, save it be by the punishment of the law at the great and last day, according to the commandments which God hath given.

Now here is wisdom;the coffee is the culprit: D&C 89 is concerning coffee.
1: (I give you ) A word of wisdom,......
3: (It Is ) given for a for a principle with a promise; adapted to the capacity of the weak and weakest of all saints, who are or can be called saints
9: And again, hot drinks are not for the body or belly (coffee,tea;etc)
18: And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings,walking in obedience to the commandments,shall receive health in their naval and marrow to their bones.
19: And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures.
20: And shall run and not be weary and shall walk and not faint.
21: And, I the Lord give unto them a promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them, as the children of Israel and not slay them,Amen.

The moral of this story is this, obey Gods commandments. Even the ones that you feel "He Can't be Serious? My husband is at least 50-100 lbs overweight. (The sugar in the creamer, the sugar,the junk food eaten with the coffee). He sweats when resting, and has palpitations just walking to the truck. He is so tired not from work but from malnutrition that he can't concentrate on reading his scriptures, his lessons, his work instructions. If you allow yourself to be acted upon, then God can't help you, you have "stayed" his hand.
Its not all bad or lost, I know in my heart that my husband's pressure is stable now.
The scriptures say to redeem the time for the days are evil( destroying angel). My husband has to complete a list of chores, go to the temple and work on decreasing and even stoppage of coffee drinking. It's not all him because I need to stop too. I am trying, and with all "addictions" it is a one day at a time deal. I know that we will both succeed, our Heavenly Father always has a "solution" to all of life's problems. I wouldn't say this was a wake up call but more of a "slap on the back of the head" type of thing.

Prelude: This was written about a year and half ago;nothings changed

Tuesday, June 03, 2008, 3:23:55 PM

This is the Journal of lost things. For the past few years a lot of my personal stuff has been packed up in boxes and are stored in my basement. Lately the basement has started to look like a storage facility. It was all my husbands doing, we were starting to work on the house, and of course we had to clear it out. We gave away our cast off furniture. We took down the curtains and put paper in the windows and glass doors. We took up the rug on the living room floor, and the sub floor was awful. We packed up all of my collections, my dishes and some books and anything that would get in the way. We moved the refrigerator into the living/dining room. We really looked like a redneck family. That was about 6 or 7 years ago.

Yesterday I was looking through my paper ephemera and I found a stash of concert tickets. They were telling. It seems the last concert we went to was in 2005. We have some friends who save every scrap of paper, every piece of junk that pertains to any activity in their lives. The wife takes tons of pictures of everything that they do. Who needs a scrap book when you have a beautiful home to put your collections in, I digress. I used to do that but then I lost most of my stuff. The rest was stolen or thrown away. I want pay homage to my lost things that are in plain sight. I want to make a “page” for my tickets to remind me that life is still there. I went to Myrtle Beach S.C. two years ago. It should have been a great trip, but it wasn’t. But I did manage to take some pictures and get a few souvenirs.

My husband has joined a new group of people to engage in one of his favorite pastimes, shooting guns. He joined the Single Action Shooting Society. Imagine my surprise when I learned that one of the requirements is to dress in old style cowboy garb. I thought my husband dress like a cowboy? He doesn’t even like to shop for clothes. He hasn’t had a suit in years. He likes to shop for cowboy stuff. I have been collecting ephemera and pictures for him and me too.

I think that I can take all of this lost and found and even new stuff and make an ongoing journal.